Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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