did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
