You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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