her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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