I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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