If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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