just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
