"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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