Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so let's talk penis.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Randomize
