If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
