I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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