This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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