if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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