How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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