im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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