YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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