dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Randomize
