In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
