I hate your face
Swine flu. Run for my life!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
