I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize