Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
