A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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