I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
