It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
