I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This is the high leading the old right now
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
