i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
