don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
