I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
