before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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