have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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