we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
