a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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