if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
