Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize