I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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