i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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