Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize