Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
