You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
