Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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