Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Barsexuality is the new black.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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