If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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