Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
