final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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