I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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