what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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