I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
