We should be called the Road Head Warriors
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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