When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
