well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
