my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I lost the right to judge tonight
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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