True but thats because hes a fetus.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
