I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
