Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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