HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
