I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
