hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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