connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
