Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
