Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
