We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
