Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize