TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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