Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
