He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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